So, I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned this, but my girlfriend is completing her dermatology residency someplace out east. Lest anyone think that dermatology is nothing more than Botox and acne, I wanted to share a story that my lovely lady felt compelled to delight me with this afternoon. Since her anonymity is as important as my own, I’ll refer to her as Dr. A. This is a summary of the story she told me this afternoon.
Late in the afternoon, Dr. A was walking past a third-year resident, who remarked “Hey, your penis patient is here in Room 10”. After the initial shock of the whole “penis patient”, she grabbed the chart and went into the room to meet Mr P. To make a long story short, Dr. A wound up sticking a needle into the penis of Mr. P in order to numb that area and then used a #11 scalpel to cut into said organ. After carving Mr. P up like a Christmas ham, Dr. A proceeded to scrape, clean, and squeeze Mr. P.
During our conversation this afternoon, Dr. A felt compelled to tell me that she was able to observe the venous structure of Mr. P’s member, which I found somewhat unsettling, prior to closing the incision with a few stitches. Keep in mind that she’s telling all of this to me this afternoon with glee! She’d never sliced up some guy’s penis before and she was excited! Seriously? Please, have some compassion for your guy when you start squealing about hacking into some other guys penis!
So, my conversation with my girlfriend this afternoon pretty much reduced to the following:
Dr. A: I got to cut up some poor guy’s penis this afternoon! It was awesome! I got to use needles, scalpels and sutures!!!
MSO: Sweetie, I’m a guy. Being excited about scarring the penis of another guy isn’t what I need to hear right now.
Dr. A: But it was really cool! I cut so far in that we could see the vascular structure the penis uses to maintain an erection! It was awesome!
MSO: Sweetie, seriously, this is not what I want to hear right now. I love you, but my penis is shriveling up right now in fear.
Dr. A: Oh. Sorry. Anyway, can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!!
That’s right. The night before I leave to visit my girlfriend, she’s boasting about how lucky she was to carve up the penis of one of her patients. Seriously? Now I’m afraid to get on the plane!